Tis the season of?

It's the season of joy, gratitude, thanks. It is also a season of resentment, stress and irritable discontent. Hey, I am here to write honestly, and we all can say at some point it has been happy Holidays or happy humbug. I am not trying to raise the negativity; I am just stating my awareness that not everyone loves the holidays. We don't always have good holidays even though we love them. I have had my share of great ones, and my share of disasters. I choose to stay in gratitude these days because the bad ones stick with me as much as the good ones do.

One of my favorite and funniest moments at Christmas was as a kid seeing how my dad's sense of humor truly is. It was Christmas morning, and my brother and I stayed at the top of the steps waiting till the release the hounds type words were given. The excitement and anticipation were so amazing and we were ready. Suddenly it was a go, and my brother and I ran down the steps with thundering thumps. We turn the corner and ran down the hall to the living room. At the site of the tree, there was horror. There was nothing under the tree but a giant turnip. As I think back the words in my head remind me of the young soldier in A few good men. "What did we do wrong? We did nothing wrong!" The moment wavered and we noticed our dad to the side chuckling as mom stood looking at him with disappointment in him but also chuckling. Behind him all the presents carefully stacked under the dining room table. At the time it was frustrating as a kid, but now years later, one of my favorite memories.

This may not have been right at Christmas, but when I was in my first year of culinary school at George Brown College, we always had food going home with us. Wintertime in downtown Toronto could get really windy and cold. One week in baking class we had to make apple pies for a charity. We also got to take two pies home ourselves. I would always take transit back to the place I was staying at the time. That day before I got to the stop for my bus a jolly man with a white beard and tattered jacket and clothes was walking towards me. He literally looked like Santa Claus, but unfortunately on hard times. It was cool and wet out. He looked at me and asked if I could spare some change. I didn't have anything on me at the time. He smiled and said it was ok. I had heard about him, and people called him Santa. As he was passing me, I stopped. "Would you like one of my apple pies?" I asked him with no hesitation. Seeing his face light up the way it did, made my day and probably my life because I will never forget it. He wondered off happy as ever. The little things matter, and during the holidays a simple gesture goes a long way.

The Christmas holidays are also a time that for me changed my life. It was 17 years ago; I was living in an apartment by myself. Separated from my wife at the time and struggling, although at the time I didn't realize it. For a ten-day period during the Christmas holiday, I secluded and found myself destroying myself with alcohol and taking my medications with alcohol. I had a bartender carrousel on my coffee table and drank a bottle a day for the ten days up to New Years. On the 29th I woke up with a mohawk and razor cuts on my head from giving myself that mohawk. It was then I realized things were becoming unmanageable. Something had to change and I was scared. I made the decision to find an AA meeting, and it was called Just in Time. I found the church and sat on a bench not knowing what to do. A man entered the church and as he was walking by looked at me and stopped. "You look like you could use a meeting." Seeing the detoxing mass I was with a mohawk. My response was "How can you tell?" A room of 35 people like me changed my life that day. Telling me to keep coming back. I have been clean ever since and the holidays are hard at times, but the amazing network of friends I have I would not change for the world. What I have is what keeps me where I need to be.

I could write about so many stories and experiences with the holidays and yeah, they are not always amazing, but through the tough or difficult times, comes amazing moments if we pay attention. When we get stressed or resentful and irritable, take a moment to look around. Someone may have it worse than you do. If you are speeding or at the mall wanting to punch someone, just remember, you may have someone wanting to punch you as well. It's not all about you and realize it can always be worse. Maybe you have the ability to give someone a little bit of hope. If your father puts a turnip under the tree, be grateful you have a turnip.